Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I don't deserve a penis
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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