when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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