Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
