1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I need to sanitize my soul.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
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