I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
