I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
