If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
