Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
