Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
