fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
