It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
The Olympian is in my bed
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
