Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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