If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
