I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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