I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I have fence marks all over my body
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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