I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
