drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
