when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I think i got beer on your cat.
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