Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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