My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
