no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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