Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
