Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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