found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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