i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
