i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
