sarcasm needs its own font
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
