Tell her she can't have a vagina
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
