After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It's like God shit irony all over that family
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
