who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
