He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
