do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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