I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
