I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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