I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
