Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
fuck your aforementioned shoe
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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