Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
