would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Pooping to opera.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
