Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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