i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
