K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
