xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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