Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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