im holly from the hills drunk
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
