Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
