My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
