ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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