wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
