Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
