Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
