just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
